6 Problems That Disappeared When I Started Practicing Self-Compassion
As a licensed therapist in North Carolina (and someone who used to believe that the solution to every problem was "just try harder"), I know firsthand how brutal your inner voice can be when you're stuck in the cycle of high-functioning anxiety.
If you’re a high-achieving millennial woman constantly second-guessing yourself, hustling for your worth, and feeling like rest needs to be earned, then this post is for you.
Self-compassion isn’t a fluffy concept reserved for yoga teachers and people who already have their lives together. It’s a practical skill that can help regulate your nervous system, reduce anxiety, and shift the way you relate to yourself. And yes, it changed my life.
Here are 6 problems that started to disappear when I started practicing self-compassion — both personally and with my clients in therapy and coaching sessions.
1. Constant Overthinking and Mental Spirals
What it looked like: I’d wake up at 3 a.m. replaying a conversation from five days ago, obsessing over a text I didn’t send, or catastrophizing every possible outcome of a decision. My mind was on a hamster wheel of "what ifs."
How self-compassion helped: Learning to pause and respond with curiosity rather than judgment was key. I started recognizing when my inner critic was trying to “protect” me and gently redirected the narrative. Instead of spiraling, I practiced grounding techniques and reminded myself that rumination isn’t productive — it’s punishment.
Therapist tip: Anxiety thrives on avoidance. Naming what you’re feeling and responding with self-compassion helps you move through it, not get stuck in it.
2. The Pressure to Be Perfect (Or Else)
What it looked like: If something didn’t go exactly as planned, I felt like a failure. A typo in an email? Cringe spiral. A client cancellation? Must be because I wasn’t good enough. I thought perfection was the price of being respected.
How self-compassion helped: I started seeing mistakes as data, not identity. I allowed myself to be human. Self-compassion taught me that my worth isn't tied to my productivity or performance. That mindset shift created space for creativity, rest, and actual growth.
Therapist tip: Self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook; it’s holding yourself accountable without cruelty.
3. People-Pleasing at the Expense of My Own Needs
What it looked like: I said yes when I wanted to say no, overexplained, worried more about being liked than being honest, ignored my needs in favor of keeping the peace, and resented it later.
How self-compassion helped: Self-compassion helped me set boundaries without guilt. When you actually believe your needs matter, it becomes easier to protect your time, energy, and peace. I learned how to say, "I need a minute," and "I'm not available for that" without spiraling.
Therapist tip: Compassion creates clarity. When you trust yourself, you stop outsourcing your decisions to everyone else.
4. Decision Fatigue and Indecisiveness
What it looked like: Every decision, big or small, felt loaded. I polled three friends before choosing what to order for lunch. I was terrified of making the wrong choice, so I often made none at all.
How self-compassion helped: When I realized my fear of making the “wrong” choice was rooted in perfectionism and shame, I started giving myself permission to make decisions based on what felt good, not what felt “safe.” Self-compassion gave me the courage to choose — even when it was scary.
Therapist tip: Confidence grows through action. You don’t build self-trust by getting it right — you build it by showing up and learning.
5. Burnout and Ignoring My Body’s Cues
What it looked like: Pushing through back pain. Working through lunch. Using caffeine to cover up exhaustion. I ignored all the signs my body gave me until it screamed loud enough for me to listen.
How self-compassion helped: Self-compassion taught me that rest is not a reward. I now pause to ask myself what I actually need — not what I think I “should” be doing. Sometimes that means taking a walk instead of writing a blog post. Or closing my laptop after a full client day and choosing presence over productivity.
Therapist tip: Self-compassion is body-based. You can’t think your way into regulation — you have to feel it.
6. Believing I Had to “Fix” Myself Before I Could Be Happy
What it looked like: I believed that once I hit a certain milestone — more clients, more money, more whatever — then I could finally slow down, rest, and be proud of myself.
How self-compassion helped: Self-compassion helped me stop seeing myself as a problem to solve. I started celebrating small wins. I stopped waiting for permission to enjoy my life. And spoiler alert: The more I slowed down and honored my capacity, the more growth I experienced — personally and professionally.
Therapist tip: You don’t have to earn your worth. You are already worthy of care, rest, and belonging.
Want to start your own self-compassion journey?
You're not alone. And you're not too much. You might just be really tired of carrying it all alone, hustling for your worth, and trying to quiet that inner mean girl with more self-criticism.
Whether you want to explore 1:1 support or start small with a self-guided resource, I've got you:
🧠 THERAPY SERVICES (NC & FL)
As a licensed therapist, I offer virtual therapy to women navigating high-functioning anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, and major life transitions. We’ll work together to rewrite the narratives that no longer serve you and help you live in alignment with who you actually are — not who you think you have to be.
🌎 COACHING SERVICES (NATIONWIDE)
Not in NC or FL? I offer virtual self-compassion coaching to women across the U.S. Coaching is ideal if you're ready to stop outsourcing your self-worth, start setting boundaries, and build a relationship with yourself rooted in care rather than criticism. We’ll focus on emotional regulation, mindset shifts, and building habits that support your real life.
💗 DIGITAL PRODUCT: Silence Your Inner Mean Girl ($27)
My 14-day self-paced roadmap to help you stop spiraling, regulate your emotions, and build self-compassion — even if your inner critic is loud and your schedule is full. Each day includes:
A short but powerful activity
A simple self-compassion practice
A journal prompt that doesn’t make you cringe
Perfect for the busy overthinker who’s ready to feel just a little bit softer.
Self-compassion didn’t change who I was — it changed how I related to myself. And that changed everything.
If you’re a high-achieving woman who’s tired of feeling like she has to do it all perfectly or not at all… there’s another way.
You don’t have to bully yourself into growth. You can care yourself into healing.
Ready to take the next step?
If this post spoke to you and you're ready to start your own journey with a therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for therapy in North Carolina and Florida and coaching clients nationwide.
➡️ Book your free consultation call here or grab Silence Your Inner Mean Girl for $27 and start practicing self-compassion today.