How to Stop Perfectionist Anxiety: A Simple 3-Step Practice That Helps You Breathe Easier
Do you ever feel like no matter how much you get done, your brain still tells you you’re behind?
Or like one awkward conversation replays in your head for days because you’re afraid you didn’t say the perfect thing?
You’re not alone—and you’re definitely not broken.
As a therapist serving high-achieving women in North Carolina and beyond, I see perfectionist anxiety all the time. It's that internal pressure to always have it together, never make mistakes, and constantly prove your worth through how much you do.
And here’s the truth: that pressure is exhausting.
That’s why I created a simple 3-step self-compassion practice to help you stop perfectionist anxiety in its tracks. It’s easy to remember, totally free, and it actually works.
Let’s get into it.
What Perfectionist Anxiety Really Looks Like
Here’s how perfectionist anxiety shows up in real life:
Re-reading every email five times before hitting send
Worrying that your friend is mad at you because they used a period instead of an exclamation mark
Not taking breaks because “you haven’t earned them”
Obsessing over a work presentation days after it’s done
Feeling like you need to “fix” yourself constantly to be worthy
It’s sneaky. And it thrives in the lives of women who look like they have it all together on the outside—especially those who were raised to be high-achieving, agreeable, and self-sufficient.
If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. I work with women across North Carolina, Florida, and the U.S. who are trying to untangle their worth from their productivity.
And the first step? A gentle reset with this 3-step method.
A 3-Step Practice to Quiet Your Inner Critic
This practice comes straight from the work I do inside my digital product Silence Your Inner Mean Girl. It’s a 3-step technique that helps you untangle fact from fear and respond with kindness—not criticism.
Step 1: FACT
Start with the raw facts of the situation. Ask yourself:
What actually happened?
What do I know is true?
What’s observable?
Example:
You sent a text to a friend and they haven’t responded in two days. The fact is: you sent a message, and they haven’t replied yet.
Step 2: STORY
This is where your brain starts to fill in the gaps.
Ask yourself:
What story is my brain creating about this?
Is it saying I messed up? That I’m annoying? That they’re mad?
Example:
The story might be: “She’s mad at me. I said too much. She doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”
But none of that is confirmed—it’s fear, not fact.
Step 3: COMPASSION
This is the hardest part—and the most important.
Respond to yourself with a phrase that’s gentle and grounding:
“It’s okay to feel anxious. This doesn’t mean you’re bad.”
“I’m not alone in this. Everyone has moments of self-doubt.”
“Even if she is upset, I can handle it and make repairs.”
Put your hand on your heart. Breathe. Be kind.
Why This Self-Compassion Practice Works
Your brain isn’t broken—it’s trying to protect you. But when perfectionism is in the driver’s seat, it turns small mistakes into identity-level threats.
Self-compassion rewires that.
It helps you build resilience, trust yourself more, and break the cycle of rumination and burnout.
Inside Silence Your Inner Mean Girl, we go deeper into this tool and dozens of others like it so you can actually feel better in your body and mind—not just push through.
What Happens When You Practice This?
Here’s what I’ve seen in myself and my clients:
They stop spiraling over minor mistakes
They become more confident in friendships and work
They build routines that don’t rely on burnout as a badge of honor
They can rest without guilt
They learn to trust themselves again
All from a daily 5-minute practice.
You don’t need to be perfect at it. You just need to start.
Ready to Try It?
Whether you’re based in North Carolina, Florida, or finding this post from across the country, you deserve support that helps you feel like yourself again.
If you’re ready to stop perfectionist anxiety and build a self-compassion practice that actually sticks, I’d love to help.
